As soon as I moved to Salt Lake City, I ran and got myself a library card. Not only is this library the best in this desert state, it has the best music selection possible! Citizens of SLC know what's up.. or, we're just all mirrored images. Anyways, while I was there I picked up the book "Blankets". It's the best graphic novel I have ever read! You should read it sometime. It has 500 pages, but I finished it in 2 days. Good mind vacationing.
I get my hair cut tomorrow! Help me out! Typical girl, I don't know what I want. Let's shave it again.
My new home in Salt Lake couldn't be any better! I'm serious! I have the most booootiful roommates in the world. :) I just walk everywhere until I get a bike.. I lost my favorite scarf though. :( There is a happy street bum out there with a warm neck..
AND just in case if any of you were worried.. I'm still in love with the girl who is the heart of the my world.
Hello Hello. Last week Kalin, Brynn, Emily, Courtney, Lexy, Jason, Russ, and I went to Las Vegas, San Diego, and Los Angeles! It was SO beautiful! We played all day in the sun and drank until we couldn't stand or we were forced to go to bed. We all stayed with Brenden in his very nice apartment on Coronado Island. While we were in L.A., it just so happened to be Long Beach Pride, so we stopped there and danced.. then went to a queers in action party.. I had so much fun playing the games they had there and talking about sexuality.. It's a great subject when it can be talked about openly in a group. While we were in San Diego, we saw The Album Leaf. There were grand emotions pushing through the air. I could have easily broke down in that music hall. Usually I would hate Las Vegas, but I had such a great time on the strip! We met this homeless kid named Alex who was a traveling hippie.. He was a great reminder that our life is free and we get to choose how to live in it. He was beautiful as he sang a Bob Marley song trying to earn a quick buck to fix his car.. I think overall it was such a great vacation! $400 and 2 speeding tickets later we made it home safely.. Next trip, Colorado for COCOROSIE!
When you see a gum ball, you see it's beautiful colors, its hard shell, and you begin to want it so bad. You will spend the only quarter in your pocket to have one. Once you own this gum ball, you want to pop it right in your mouth or it'll melt and get sticky in your hands. This is your gum ball, so why would you want to share it? right?
I have noticed that love is like a gum ball.
Once you have it, you chew it up until there is no longer a flavor.. Then you throw it away.
Sometimes you want another flavor.. Other times you crave that one flavor.. spending every quarter you get until you get that one flavor again..
All I have been wanting to do is read lately. I recently finished "Eat, Pray, Love" which is a great book if you want tips on personal soul searching. I also think it'd be a great gift idea to give to your non religious divorced broken down mother. :) I am now reading "The Bell Jar" and I can't take my eyes off the text. I just want to open the words and crawl inside the book. I can see every strand of Esters hair, I can picture her black exhausted eyes, and I can taste her emotion. This book has taken me away from my homework even though I should be studying for finals. But I don't care anymore, I just want to read and play music for my profession.
Other than reading, this last week I went to the Tegan and Sara show. I wasn't going to go because I haven't really gotten into their new c.d. "Sainthood", but when I went to go visit my best friend Courtney who was in line all morning, I decided to go. It was a good $40 dollars to spend, that's for sure! They were great and I was in the second row. The energy there was just phenomenal, and even Tegan and Sara thought it was one of their favorite shows. (source: their blog) :) I can't believe I forgot how inspiring they are to me and my music. I don't really write the same music as them, but they inspire me to play. They inspired me so much I decided I am finally going to buy a new drumset with my tax return money. woo! A 1,000 set. :) I have very talented friends, and I can't wait to combine our music! There is nothing that will stop me from getting paid for what I love to do.
I think I believe in love at first sight. I saw her and I knew I would love her. The lights were actually beginning to dim and the dance was about to start. My friends and I were grouped away from everyone else in the room. Then, something caught my eye... and there she was. She was dressed in her best dress and was dancing with her close friend, who was in a tux. This was one of my last nights out with my best friends before I moved to San Francisco. I loved the girl I was moving to in that great California state, I did! Oh how I was committed. However, something happened the night I saw this girl.. This made my life completely complicated for awhile. We introduced ourselves and shook hands gracefully. Devon. Wow.. what a beautiful girl.. At the end of a shy night, we exchanged numbers. We talked all night and I decided I needed to see her the next day.. I drove to her work in the mountains to visit her, when I should have been packing and studying for finals. When I arrived at her work she was sitting on top of a picnic table with bare feet, and a cigarette. We said hello and had fun conversations.. She'd tell me how cute I was every now and then, while I would just blush.. After she was done with work, we ran up into the mountains and found some drinks. While we drank, we watched the valley from up high. She took me to her empty new home and I met her close friends. I was so lovestruck! But, I didn't know what to do... We met up everyday for the next two weeks until I left, and she gave me a kiss goodbye. When I arrived in San Francisco, I knew that wasn't where I was supposed to be. I fought with myself for three months and wrote to her almost everyday, but only sent a few. Her letters made me feel the emotions of true love, and I was hurt. I finally decided I needed to go back home to see my family before school started again and before she found someone new. She had hand picked some sunflowers, placed them in newspaper, and tied them with string before she picked me up from my parents home. We didn't kiss and we hardly hugged for two whole weeks, then the last day I was home arrived. We planned "The Octopus Music Box" for this final night. This was an event where our friends would meet and we'd play music and make art all night. Devon surprised me and had her friend sing the song she wrote for me while I was away. I cried and ran into her home and sat on her stairs... We then experienced our first real kiss, right there on her staircase. After that night, I never went home. I've been in the blue house with her since. It's been 8 months and I think we still want to stay. Her and I. I am in love, and ohhh I am in this one deep. MM
Life has been so beautiful I hardly have words for description. I have let myself go. I am free, and I am at life's feet.
I don't understand how I live everyday without streams coming down my face. The colors are at their ultimate power and the wind pushes them through my hair. I'm excited to feel the first scrapped knee of the year. Have stained popsicle lips, and barefoot trail wonderings. I'm far from being alone this spring and my heart feels so warm! Devon is beautiful, she is part of the sun. Everyday she makes my life feel as if I live on a sun ray made of gold. She helped me peel my old skin off, and now I am born again. Yesterday afternoon I played my guitar in ripped jeans and an old shirt while Devon held me. She then stood back, studied me, then recited my form on paper. Mrow, Mrow, our cat, has been feeling spring lately too. She finds the sun on our bedroom or kitchen floor and just sprawls out to soak in the sparkles of the dust and the suns blanket. Even though yesterday wasn't the greatest day, I fell asleep smiling because I sleep next to her and I wake up to the sweetest animal in the world. I have found the sun still shines on a cloudy day... MM
I should be studying for a math test damn it. But I'm so distracted tonight. By love, light, and life.
I no longer have a phone. It's pretty strange, but I think I can get used to it. Everyone I need is on the internet.. and every now and then I have that..
I need a pen pal. I thought I had one for a bit but I wrote and wrote but nothing was sent back. :/
I want to sleep the day away tomorrow.
Devon is telling me to come upstairs now. goodnight!
Welcome 2010! :D I started my year off right and this is how:
I love my Devon. We have been living together with our cat ("meow meow") now for 5 months and it works. I live in a lovely town. Yeah, so what it's not San Fran or New York.. I feel those places are overrated anyways. The beauty of this Earth is hidden, and I find it in the mountains behind my house. I find it in life inside my house... I couldn't find it in concrete buildings and busy streets covered in piss. I love Mother Earth and Father Sky. (this is the beautiful town I live in) I'm glad I'm going to school. It's not the top school in the country, but it's interesting because I feel like I've had such a great learning experience.. I don't understand how a more expensive school could have done a better job. My teachers live real life, and let me think outside the curriculum. I take school seriously and I love to dissect and explore each subject. I decided to change my major to Humanities, and I believe I'm going to enjoy every single class. Friends are doing well. Beautiful McKinley is pregnant and is just blooming with life. Courtney and Allyson are the cutest couple and they seem happy. Kalin is still writing music and is going to cooking school. Chris records his music everyday at home (our home) and it just fills the house with great energy. Jane is back in Michigan, but when she was home she filled the blue house with her soothing voice. New years was great. It gave me a great understanding of life, and I am acting upon it. oh herro life, i rove you.
Lights out forever. it's a long time. tiptoe dancing through the pumpkin patch. wind running through your twirling fingers. the plant stems begin to curl and so do my eyebrows. purple sparkles scatter and rush through the air. do you hear that fait sound up ahead?? it's chanting of smoke dancing. beating drums beating your heart. boom! there goes a shooting star. so it stops for a moment, it's the last one you'll see. you know your point of view is lifted, when you see your reflection in the mud puddle. with a bubbling stomach and your popped ears you charm on. skip twirling through the mountains and through the twisted melting trees. its so cold you're sweating, tears full of yellow green paint that splash purple and blue on your fathers shoes. dreaming of your body parts splitting the wind in two while you push through. your breathing smells of sugar coated lemon drops and your lips taste like rose. you stretch and feel the noise your skin makes. you fall off the pebbled park bench and the wood chips enter your skin. those red shoes scream at you from a 90 degree angle. you stand on your fingertips and shuffle through the weeds. the dust is red, and so is your nose extending through your mind. what's not to come what's not to come through what's not going to come through with it. what's not to come through what's not to come. vision vizion. envizionyou.
Everything is okay, thank you. "I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.”
Sunday, October 11, 2009
I can't concentrate today. I guess being drunk two nights in a row isn't helping much..
Last night I went to the "Why?" concert. I don't know what concerts do to my body and mind, but it just drives me to live my life completely through music. I just want to play music.. all the time.. I've been having the best musical experiences lately, just SO many opportunities to play with others.. It's a sign! I must start playing more! :)
No new news I guess.. I'm moving into the blue house with Devon and this boy named Chris. Chris has a drum set! Chris plays music! OH! Ask me if I'm excited! My good friend Kalin and I made this great experimental song.. Actually, we're stilll working on it, but it's turning out great! We've spent 10 hours already recording this song..
I love this life right now. I love everyone in it. I could use a lot more of people though..
Friday, October 2, 2009
Hayley knows who I am, even though I'm feeling very grounded right now:
I am going away for a while I'll be back don't try and follow me I'll return as soon as possible See I'm tryin' to find my place It might not be here where I feel safe We all learn to make mistakes,
And run from them From them With no direction We'll run from them From them With no direction
I'm just one of those ghosts Traveling endlessly Don't need no road In fact they follow me And we just go in circles
Now I'm told that this is life Pain is just a simple compromise So we can we get what we want out of it Someone care to classify Broken hearts and twisted minds So i can find, someone to rely on,
And run to them to them Full speed ahead Oh you are not Useless We are just
Misguided ghosts Traveling endlessly The ones we trusted the most Pushed us far away And there's no one role We should not be the same I'm just a ghost And still they echo me They echo me in circles.
Cigarette, coffee, blog.. I could get used to this.. The economy has shot my hours at work down and it's fall break. I have the day off from school AND work. I don't know what to do! But it feels great because I've been wanting to do nothing for a long time.. Time away from work makes me appreciate it even more. Last night I had to close, but it's okay because I had Sarah and other fun people to dance the night away with.
I've been complimenting so many people lately and it's pretty fun! I just hope they don't hear me compliment another person so they don't think it's sincere. But! There is so much beauty in people.. I love saying hi to people that come into my work, because you can tell some people don't really go out and when you actually acknowledge them, they beam or they shy away.. It's cute though because sometimes you get into conversation and you learn a lot about people's emotions and personality. People are SO interesting to me.
It's funny because I had so much to write about this morning, when I was walking into my house ideas were just flooding me.. I guess I couldn't get to my computer in time.. My parents have been out of town, so Devon and I have been taking advantage of a bed and a fridge. We're usually cramped onto a twin sized bed, shivering all night, or sweating profusely. Here's a rant, Devon dyed her hair yesterday.. white. It looks SO amazing! I've been wanting to do something new to my body too.. Like a new piercing or something.. I don't want to cut my hair cause I'm losing it, so I'm trying to keep as much strands on my head as I can. I knew I was going to have problems in my life, but I didn't know balding was going to be one. haha It's okay, I'll just look like an adult baby..
On another note, I've been obsessed with elle's pictures lately. Jamie King is beautiful. When I become well known for music, I hope someone will ask me to do photo shoots like this:
"Tell yourself that you are healthy and balanced, and energy will come." Thank you Alandra, happy travels, I'll be writing you soon. :)
It's too early to be writing, but it's such a beautiful morning. My thoughts are ridiculous today. It brings me back to this time two years ago. I had just got my wisdom teeth out and I was very sick, but there was so much love. I miss it. I miss people I have lost. Due to me or due to you, I'm not sure yet.. There has been lots of time to think and lots of time to understand. Now my thoughts are haunting me. "I want to see you. I probably won't. I want to feel you. You probably don't." -My friend Hannah
It's so great to change, and so great is the change. I feel more humble and self reserved. I think before I speak, and I think before I act. Life is a big wave and I just let the current take me where it needs me to be. I'm here, I'm alive, and I am comfortable. Maybe too comfortable. Laying here in a log bed with the sun in my eyes.. too many cigarettes and coffee in my blood.
I think it's time I find more passion in the things I do. More time for music and more time for writing.. I don't want to lose the things I admire about myself. I will not let work and school overwhelm me anymore, because that feeling is a waste of time.
I've been thinking about grudges lately and how pointless they are. A lot of people learn by experience not stories, I'm one of them. I follow my heart a little too much not realizing the outcome.. I was reading a magazine the other day when this quote came along: "I've had few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing." -Buddy Hackett
This song is on repeat in my head and in my room: Try not to watch the cheesy video haha (and of course it's a lesbian movie.. jeez)
AH! It's a new season. The highlight of my morning was brushing off the dust from the old sweater box. I feel like a new season is like a new year. I see new perspectives, new goals, new friends, and a new life! I love the changing of the leaves and the cleanse of the air. Doesn't that make you want the same? Here are some pictures of Utah rain:
Also! This is a section of mine and Jakes jamming session. :) Pure improv.
